"Whether you’re using fast or slow pacing, things must happen. While description makes the story more vivid, it shouldn’t be what’s happening. If you put people on every page and in every paragraph and have them doing something, pacing will unfold naturally. The more things that happen, the faster the story pace." Maggie Touissant
Maggie's words are great to judge by. Pacing is about something happening in the story . . . fast OR slow. If you find yourself reading the entry and you've forgotten to judge it . . . That's a clear indication that the pacing is right on target.
Too Much Back Story * Jarring Sentences * Inconsentent Information
CAN STOP A READER
That when we mark the confusing passages in the manuscript, then zip down to the scoresheet and give the author page numbers to refererence. Let them know why (or which sentence) affected the stopping & starting.
Need some pacing articles? Try the Romance Univerity blog-- http://romanceuniversity.org/
They have lots of tips and may have exactly the verbiage you need to validate your feeling about the entry.
As always, if you have questions relating specifically to an entry, contact GEcoordinator@ntrwa.org.